Ever since I was in my twenties, I've been obsessed with personal development. I'm fascinated at how we can know what to do for our well being, and usually (for totally subconscious reasonings), totally ignore that and self sabotage. (No judgement BTW). We're all on this journey of becoming together.
As I coach more women to create the lives they love, I often lovingly confront them on why certain self-sabotaging behaviors are stopping them from having the life they claim they want. "I don't know..." they'll say. After more prodding, next I'll hear, "It's comforting..." (to grab the unhealthy coping mechanism whether that be a relationship, mood, unhealthy food, etc.).
And I wonder, why do we do this to ourselves? I know I, too, still have the things I reach for when I'm dealing with anxiety or stress, but thankfully, with years of reflection, therapy, and journaling I've become more conscious of my triggers so I can better control my reaching for those self sabotaging experiences. (But let's not discuss the bag of cookies I had last night, okay? It was treat night in our challenge!).
I want to share with you four things that have helped me keep self-sabotage at bay. These tips will help you succeed at your fitness, mental health, financial, and spiritual goals. My hope and prayer is that these tools save you time AND heart-ache!
4 Tools to Help End Self Sabotage Once And For All
1. Investigate
Next time you're tempted to quit on your journey of becoming the best version of you, do some investigating: why did you lose your motivation? Is it impatience? Lack of resources? Comparison? Lack of faith in yourself? Once you narrow it down, reflect on why you refuse to let these things prevent you from living the life you're destined to live. For instance, "I lost motivation to lose the 30 pounds because I'm afraid it's going to take too long and be too hard. I refuse to quit on this journey because progress is inevitable if I refuse to quit and remain consistent." Journal your reflections.
2. Turn your pain into your superpower
Ask yourself who broke your heart. I know...drag, right? IBut whenever I'm REALLY hard on myself, I go back to that person who broke my heart first and remind myself I'm now a grown (blank) woman who no longer needs their approval or even support. For many of us over-achievers, it's typically a parent whose approval we desperately thought we needed but never got. Fret not. There is hope. WE can now parent those broken parts of ourselves to heal. For instance, were you raised without a father in the home? Instead of taking on the "woe-is-me-daddyless-daughter-syndrome", use this to empower yourself. Reframe your story. For instance, "Every little girl deserves to be loved and cherished by her father. Not having this could've broken me, but I'm stronger, more resilient, and more brave than most because I had to be." You're a queen, woman! Act like it.
3. Forgive
Are you holding onto hurts, pain, resentment, anger, or fear? If we want to succeed in our goals and dreams, we have to let that *ish gooooo. Seriously. Who are we serving by holding onto the pain of the past? Marianne Williamson once said that holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I know what happened wasn't fair. But we all need grace. We all fall short. Pray to God for help letting resentment go if it's sabotaging your goals. Don't let the enemy steal one more moment of your joy. (Oh--and P.S.! Sometimes the main person we need to forgive is ourselves!) Letting go of the spiritual garbage will free up tons of energy we'll inevitably need to continue becoming our best selves!
4. Live Authentically
It's very easy to sabotage a journey if it's not what our soul really wants. Are you surpressing parts of yourself that is part of your nature? What did you love to do as a child that you have written off now that you're a mom? Do you love to dance, but stopped because you're afraid you'll look silly? Do you love to paint but stopped because you had kids? Do you love to garden but quit because...who has the time? Mama, I want to encourage you. Don't. Stop. Doing. The. Things. That. Bring. You. Joy. What's the point of working so hard if our own cups are left empty at the end of the day? Remind yourself that motherhood does not have to equal martyrdom, and give yourself the gift of an hour doing something your soul loves to do. For me today, that was reading a good book with a cup of tea. #BLISS What about you? What can you give yourself permission to do that is YOU? Remember, when we're 90, we're going to want our kids to have known the real us. Not some Pinterest mom-archetype, but US! So, let's show them! You don't need a large platform with lights and a stage to feel like the star you are. DO YOU authentically and lovingly, even if it's "only" in front of your kids (the BEST audience ever). More joy comes from the latter I presume anyhow. ;)
So, do me a favor and grab that journal again. And ask yourself, what do I really, really want? What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?
Then, decide you're going to do it. And come back here to this blog anytime you're tempted to quit. Because quitting is not an option, sister.
Want to continue the fitness & lifestyle we're doing to become our best selves as mamas? Then grab yours FREE here, and let's do this!!!! No self-sabotaging for us this time.
With lots of love,
Monica