If you're a mom, the question of whether you are doing enough for your children has probably plagued your mind. Am I playing with them enough? Filling their love tank enough? AM I A GOOD MOM?!
Sigh.
Sometimes we are downright too hard on ourselves as mothers in this day and age.
Our inner dialogue is powerful. It can make or break our perception of ourselves. This certainly applies to motherhood and parenting as well. And at times if we're not careful, a typical challenge millions of mothers go through can be blown out of proportion without discernment and further investigation.
When I have thoughts that make me question whether or not I'm a good mom, I coach myself through them how'd I'd coach a client or friend. I've compiled the list below and hope it reminds you that you are a GOOD MOM!
You are taking responsibility to heal from past trauma
If you are human, you've experienced trauma to some degree. Those whom I respect are the ones in the fire, doing the work, looking at that mirror and facing those past pains, transmuting them into power. If we don't do this, the past generational traumas will be perpetuated. If you are on a conscious healing journey that feels authentic and healthy for you (therapy, having a spiritual practice, etc.), you are winning. Keep it up, queen.
You're not trying to make them a miniature you
Sure, I've used the #minime on Instagram, but I'm very aware my daughter, Ariel, for instance, has a temperament subtly different than mine. I don't push her to be just like me. I'm aware she came here as my teacher too and boy is she teaching me a lot! She's teaching me how to slow down, smell the flowers, and bask in the beauty of life. I love our bond and I'm sure it'll stay strong as I continue to give her space to be her authentic self.
You apologize when wrong
The people in my life I remain the closest to are the ones who have a sense of accountability. When they make a mistake, they can apologize--there's no gaslighting (acting passive-aggressively and then acting like they didn't just do, say, or act that way). I am never going to be a perfect Pinterest mom, but I can be a mom they will always trust. I relate to them in an age-appropriate way, letting them know when I've made a mistake so that when they grow up, they don't put pressure on themselves to be perfect.
You're more concerned with your child's needs than what other people think
When my kid has a tantrum at Target, I don't shame him and run away (although if we're being honest, some days that's exactly what our ego wants to do). Instead I try--taking a VERY deep breath and finding a happy thought helps here by the way--to hug them, listen to them, rub their back, blast them with love. Sometimes we care WAY too much what strangers think and instead rush through situations like this with little regard to how our child feels.
You're still learning how to be a better parent as opposed to just sticking with old school techniques
With time, the hope is that we improve, right? This should apply to parenting too. With YouTube, libraries and all these free tools available to help us become our best selves, ignorance is a choice. This pertains to motherhood too. I don't know about you, but I appreciate all the helpful, well meaning tips I can get when it comes to be the best mommy I can be.
It's my hope these helped you in some way.
Remember, you're doing great. You are raising the next frickin' generation! How awesome is that? Keep going. They need you.
Monica