Lessons I've Learned After 17 Years of Marriage 💞

Monica Bencomo
May 8
3 min read

If you've followed me a while on Instagram, you know I eloped to Vegas when I was 21 with my hubby Elvis 17 years ago on a Greyhound bus.

He was 20.

We told no one. I think we intuitively knew they'd all (understandably) try to talk us out of it. 😂

We were young, naive, and in love. 🥰

And, in retrospect, I don't regret my decision. We are more in love now than when we were these young kids here:

I wish I could go back and tell her everything was gonna be alright 👌🏽

BUT let's keep it real. There are definitely some things I would've done differently if I had the wisdom I have now. But, that's how wisdom is earned I suppose...(making mistakes and applying the lesson to future scenarios).

So, if you, dear reader, are thinking about getting married, are married, or divorced, I want to share with you these lessons I've learned that I'd share with younger me. And by the way, if you are divorced, no judgement here! We all have unique paths and I believe it's never too late for anyone to find love.

Ok? Cool. Let's dive in:

Be intimate...often 🌹

Have sex as often as humanly possible. If you find offense to this, you are welcome to unsubscribe. I'm not here to sugarcoat things if it can actually help others. I don't need to explain this one too much though... But what I will say is this: after you have a house full of babies, you will have to get creative. Just don't give up, or get lazy in this department EVER. Or this one:

Dress up 💄

I'm not saying you have to wear stilettos and freakum dresses immediately upon waking (but if that's your jam girl do your thing!). Most days I'm rocking a mom bun and workout clothes with minimal (if any) makeup. But when those babies are done homeschooling and sleeping peacefully in their beds, mama takes a shower and puts effort into what her man sees when he walks through that door. It shows you value what he thinks of you. And let's be honest. Men are visual--put in the effort.😉 *And--disclaimer: after my first baby, it was such a steep learning curve for me😲 Many evenings Elvis would find me in one of his t-shirts covered in spit up watching Netfilx while my son nursed. Seriously, it was harder for me to go from no kids to one kid, than one kid to four! So don't be hard on yourself. Just do what you can in the season you're in! 😘

Send pics while he's out📸

This one is my hubby's favorite 😂. I won't lie, I like to go all out here. But y'all know I do the most. Do what you have time and energy for. On busier days, a simple text letting him know how much you appreciate him can do the trick.

Forgive fast 🙏🏽

Marriage is too very imperfect people coming together to do life with one another. That said, you and he will make mistakes. Duh, right? But the faster you forgive, the less chance resentment will have to breed in your heart. When you have lingering thoughts that of bitterness, release it, and try making a list of all the reasons you adore your boo. There's a reason you came together in the first place. Keep that attraction alive by remembering why you fell in love.

Have date night religiously 👨🏼‍❤️‍👩🏽

We love our date nights! But with hectic schedules and 4 babies, we often do them at home. But they're still so fun! We dress up (sometimes), make our favorite dinner, cuddle with comedy, we talk about things other than potty training, and just connect. Honestly we do this pretty much every night at this point because he is my bff and it just brings so much joy. But disclaimer: give yourself grace when your baby is sleep training, teething, or just in a super clingy stage. It's ok to have your third wheel there sometimes 👶🏽😂