I was sitting down nursing Rafael, and was hit with that annoying, pesky feeling. You know, that sinking feeling...
The funny part is, I was feeling guilty in advance for something I hadn't even done yet--a workout I had planned on doing the night before.
And the thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks:
Shouldn't you be doing something else instead, like unpacking, organizing, etc?
Good moms just let their own "selfish" needs go...isn't working out a luxury?
And the thoughts continued.
Thankfully, I am very used to coaching myself out of this type of mom guilt thinking.
It's the work I do with many of my clients, and as a wise man once said, "We teach that which we need most."
So, before I finish my nursing session and MWH Membership workout video of the day, allow me to share with you my secret tools I use to reverse the mental curse called Mommy Guilt.
My 5 Secrets to Banish Mommy Guilt
Let Guilt Teach You
Are you spending enough time with your beautiful babies? Or has work, social media, marriage, dating, your own personal goals completely blinded you to the blessings you have right in front of you? Many mom experts are quick to completely absolve mothers for ever feeling guilt. Not me. Sometimes, it's a useful emotion that helps us snap out of the spell that places our priorities out of alignment. So, before I move on to my other tips, I always start here. I am honest with myself and ask, "Guilt, what are you trying to teach me in this moment? Do I need to shut off all social media and just play with my kiddos all day?" Let a sister know!!! Then, I respond accordingly.
Be KIND to Yourself
Once you do an honest inventory on your priorities and you feel you have them sorted out, girl--give yourself a break. I'm sure you aim to be the best mom you can be. Don't beat yourself up. That does not help your kids or you feel better. Instead, remember that as long as you're breathing, you have another chance to get it right! Amen! So, give yourself a hug. Realize you may be learning to parent a better way than what you were modeled and given as a child, and you need to be kind to yourself for that reason. You're doing amazing.
Remember Your Being Full Serves Them Too
Have you ever met a mom who was just mean to her kids? Or was totally dismissive to them? It breaks your heart, right? Well, I believe that when this happens, when parents are mean to their kids, it has a lot to do with their own lack of contentment, joy, or peace in their own hearts. It has to do with their own unlived dreams that still simmer with disappointment.
Our unlived dreams as mothers can haunt us if we're not careful, and we can take that pain out on those closest to us if we are living unconsciously.
So, remember that when you discipline yourself to chase your dreams as a mom (while being the best mom you can be), this fills your cup, which, in turn, benefits the family! When I'm fired up about a new client I'm coaching and the results I see her getting, or a new project I'm working on for my community (like my Glow Up Challenge starting soon! #shamelessplug), I feel jazzed baby. I feel inspired. I feel like my life has meaning--both as a mother and homemaker and as an INDIVIDUAL. So, fill your own cup, and let it pour out into your family, mama.
Motherhood NOT Martyrdom
What kind of mom did you have? Did she take time to exercise, eat well, meditate, pray, chase her dreams? If so, did this negatively or positively impact you? If she didn't, do you wish she had? Hmmm.... Ponder on this, seriously--because I had to remind myself this after this morning's nursing session with Rafael--that deep down, our children want us as mothers to be strong examples, not martyrs. And that my daughter is watching. Ariel is learning how to mommy by watching her mommy. And I want her to care for her body, mind, and soul when she makes me a grandma, so I'd better do so myself.
Plan Magic Mommy Moments
I first heard this phrase from Tony Robbins, and I thought it was brilliant. The idea is this: that regardless of how busy your day is, you plan time--sacred time--that is just for each child. Turn the phones off. Shut the distractions out. And carve out 10 or more minutes of an activity each child LOVES to do. For instance, Ariel's magic mommy moments with me are always playing with dolls on the floor. Eliel's? Playing tag or soccer in the backyard. Rafael's? Peek-a-boo or my getting my 34 year old self on the floor crawling with him. The important thing to remember here is that the child gets to choose the activity, he or she LOVES it, and that you, mom, are completely involved by being in the present moment. No thinking about work, or chores or how silly you look. No. Let your own inner child OUT during magic mommy moments, and ... HAVE FUN!!
So, there you have it, friend.
These are some of my secret tools I use to banish my mommy guilt.
Which one was your favorite? Tag me on social and let me know, and thank you for sharing this post with your community!
And if you want more tips to find more balance as a multitasking mom? Watch my TEDx video.
Love you all!
Ready to banish guilt and become the best version of you as a mom? Then join my challenge--we start after Thanksgiving!! Workouts, recipes, lifestyle tips to be the most beautiful, fit, happy YOU.